I am trying to move forward in my life, despite having another panic attack that sent me to urgent care yet again. I feel ashamed of these panic attacks, embarrassed about them. I shake uncontrollably in my arms and sometimes my legs, my teeth chatter, and it’s noticeable to others.
We were cheering on Michigan State football Friday night when I had my panic attack at my sister’s. I had been feeling anxious before we went, but really started feeling panicky after we had a rich dessert. My parents noticed and asked if I wanted to go home, and I said yes because I didn’t have my Ativan with me. So I went home and took an Ativan; when that didn’t work, I took another per my doctor’s orders an hour later. To my dismay the attack was still going on so my parents drove me to urgent care. The doctor there said I could take a third Ativan so I did and the attack went away.
I am doing some reading on panic attacks because I believe that education is power. I got some books from the library and plan to buy some as well.
I saw a therapist Friday and she is going to refer me to a DBT group. DBT stands for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. This group is educational, designed to teach participants how to handle strong emotions like anxiety and anger. I am looking forward to attending the DBT class. One of the educators is going to call me. I also have lots of therapy and doctor appointments scheduled.
Another thing I plan to do is cut out caffeine as much as I can, as it can lead to anxiety. Since I won’t be working for a while after this Friday, I can do that. My mom and I walk a lot and that also helps me keep down anxiety.
We have begun training my replacement last Friday. She is another contract worker, a transfer from another department, and I think she’ll do just fine. She is bright and asks lots of questions.
I don’t know when or if I’ll be able to work again but I plan to take things one day at a time and continue my writing no matter what. I have some guest blog posts I’m working on.