The aftermath

I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotional upheaval since my last post, in which I came out as a bisexual pagan.  I’m not sorry I came out, but I wasn’t prepared for all the controversy.  That combined with work stress landed me in urgent care Monday night with a panic attack.   I had to spend an additional day at home, recovering, and I’ve decided I need to give 2 weeks notice at 3M.  So I plan to do that Friday. 

In the next few months, I plan to get my anxiety and bipolar symptoms under control and look for another job.  I am getting back into counseling and have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow.

I also plan to work more on my writing.  I would like to write in this blog more regularly as well as fulfill guest blog commitments I’ve made and get ready to query magazines.

 

 

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12 thoughts on “The aftermath

  1. Hi Lisa, I wrote a story that was well received by my Book Club. It could be interpreted in may ways; I hope you like it. I’m sorry for any bad experience you have had with your church, none of them are perfect, but that’s not where I put my hope and faith these days. Cheers, Don

    Coming Out
    By Don Ford

    “Today would be the day. I have hidden myself away from the world much
    too long. Others have come out of their shells. I would too. Maybe then I
    could find a friend just like myself. Everybody needs a companion. I want to
    be open and free. It’s important to me that I should be able to express fully
    who I am. There is a real me hidden inside. I have decided to be who I really
    am instead of hiding behind closed doors. All of my life has finally led me to
    this. Many will not like what they see. It’s not about them any more; it’s time
    that I pleased myself. I have to stop living for everyone else. I used to be too
    worried what others would say and think if I did come out. I never tell others
    how to live and I am hoping they will treat me the same way. My mind is
    made up. The moment of truth has arrived. I am going do what I know will be
    right for me.”

    The turtle then went behind the bushes. He emerged without his shell, having
    never shed it before. Would he even like what he saw of himself? The turtle
    rushed over to the pond to see his reflection. “I’m okay/” he said. “I’m more
    than okay; I’m feeling special.”

    A spring of pride welled up inside him. He was a bit surprised by his new out-
    of-the-body experience, so to speak. For one thing, the heavy burden of the
    old shell had been lifted. He noticed after leaving the ‘old home’ that he
    nearly floated along now. He was also able to swim more swiftly.

    As our turtle walked on, he stumbled on a rock in his path and fell over onto
    his back. There were no words to describe the pain.

    Then, when he decided to go back into the water of the pond, he was
    immediately stalked by both a deadly water snake and a large bass that was
    looking rather hungry.

    The snake was gaining on him. What had he done? How could he have been
    so foolish? He had thought life would get easier without his shell, but it had
    become more complicated. Soon the large snake had almost caught up with
    him.

    Out of the blue a bird came soaring, diving righttoward him. “I give up,” the turtle muttered to himself as the bird claimed his prize. The snake was taken up over his head high into the sky. The turtle sighed, “I was sure that bird was after me.”

    Looking out over the great mountains before him, our turtle saw where this eagle landed. “So, that’s where he lives. Nice to know such help is close by.”

    However, the bass was now waiting for his. It was time for our turtle to say his
    prayers. Just as the great fish opened his mouth Just as the great fish opened his


    mouth wide to get his first taste of ‘turtle soup’, so to speak, our eagle returned to finish the his rescue job.

    The turtle decided that he had had enough water fun for that day and headed towards the shore to collect his thoughts. After barely escaping his water foes, he found that he had other difficulties to overcome, such as the briar patches surrounding the pond. The shell he had worn all of his life was now gone. He had tossed it off without any regard for the consequences. His close friend, and earlier covering, was no longer there.

    Coming finally to his senses, he headed back to the place where he had
    discarded it. His old life and circumstances were beginning to appeal to him
    once more in a new way. He had once thought of his shell as a prison, but
    now e was seeing it in a new light as a haven of rest from the storms and briars
    of life.

    While living in his shell, nothing of the outside world could hurt him. He had
    had little to fear. Snakes and fish had never been a bother before. His former
    life took on a new and satisfying appeal. Now he knew he wanted to re-unite
    with his old friend and return to his home by the pond. The bush was just up
    ahead. The turtle went in and started thrashing around but came up empty-
    handed.

    “Looking for this?”

    “Who said that?” The voice sounded as if it was above him.

    “Look up, it’s me, Oliver.” There, on a branch of a tree, was an old owl.

    “How did you get my shell up there, Oliver? ”

    “It was quite simple really. I rescued it from a couple of field mice who had
    visions of using it for their new home.”

    “But why would you even care?”

    “You are not the first to come here and think they could easily discard their
    shell hoping to start a new life. Most do return and decide to take up
    residence once more as before, when the life they thought would be so grand
    out there somewhere, proved to be fearful, painful, and not like they had
    hoped.”

    “So you read my mind?”

    “It was more like seeing clearly the handwriting scrolled across the wall.
    Most really do come to their senses in the end.”

    “Being out there was quite painful.”

    “I knew it would be, but most have to experience it for themselves. The voice
    of reason is not well attended to by youth these days.”

    “What do I owe you for such good advice?” The turtle stared up into the eyes
    of this very intelligent bird.

    “Let’s just say that the satisfied look on your face is payment enough!”

    The shell then hit the ground close to the turtle. The two said their goodbyes and parted
    company. The protection that had been his in his youth would become his covering once more and remain with him into his old age.

    The turtle now was no longer afraid. “I rather like the ‘old’ me and the friends I did not
    realise I had.”

    —ooo0ooo—

    © Text and illustrations Copyright: Don Ford 2011. All rights Reserved.

    About the author

    Don is an internationally known professional author, artist and story teller who lives in a
    small town near Syracuse, New York State, U.S.A. His family has a long history, going
    back several generations, of involvement with nature and with animal life. His daughter,
    aged 13, currently seeks to continue in this tradition being enthusiastically involved with
    caring for abandoned animals at a nearby no-kill shelter.

    Floyd the Dog has donated €59.02 (equivalent to £48.39 or $78.02)
    On behalf of Don Ford to
    The Elephant Sanctuary, Tennessee, U.S.A.

    About the Charity

    We exist to provide a haven for old, sick or needy elephants in a setting of green
    pastures, dense forests, spring-fed ponds and heated barns for cold winter nights, and to
    provide education about the crisis facing these social, sensitive, passionately intense,
    playful, complex, exceedingly intelligent and endangered creatures.

    Click this Link to visit their website. http://www.elephants.com/index.php

  2. Hi Lisa,
    I’m sorry that you’re not feeling well. I have some close friends who are bi-polar. I know it’s not fun to deal with. So glad you’ve made some wise decisions to allow yourself to heal. I’m praying for you!

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